So, this Christmas season I have done all I can to feel the Christmas spirit but there is something standing in my way. Justin has been chosen to be the deputy lead of a new proposal which is moving along quickly and urgently but that means that he has to work really long hours, usually until 10 PM each night. It's hard to feel happy and joy when your spouse is gone all the time and you are feeling like a single mother to 3 small children. Even writing this post I feel like crying because I'm struggling.
He normally gets the week off between Christmas and New Years, but not this year. He is now planning to work Mon-Thurs that week and he said I should be happy that he doesn't have to go to California but in some ways that would be easier because then he wouldn't have to come home to a sad and grumpy wife each night. He is then planning to leave and go to California for the bulk of January and I don't know if he'll even come home on weekends at this point. He currently has to work weekends and so I don't even get a break then which is really hard.
I know there are so many other women who have military husbands or pilot husbands who are gone all the time but they must be stronger than I am. Instead of feeling happy and relieved when he is home to help, I just feel depressed and upset that he isn't around more. I can be having the best day but when bedtime comes, I start to break down and the fatigue and tiredness of the day sets in. I don't cope well with him gone a lot because I have always been a person that struggles handling the entire household without very regular breaks and help. I definitely have friends and neighbors that step in and help occasionally but I still feel so sad lately.
I love my husband and I'm so glad when he's around on a regular basis, but I wish I could just let go of some of this frustration I feel when he is home late instead of feeling so distant and bothered. I'm sure I need to be reading my scriptures more and praying more but sometimes those little things just seem so hard to do. However, they are what I need to be doing to cope with this difficult time in my life.
It's nice that Justin has such a steady job and he can provide so easily for our family, but I would certainly take a pay cut and a new job for him to be around a little more.
10 years ago
4 comments:
Janelle, you are amazing. You work so hard to take care of your home and family. You are definitely not alone. Ive been there. In Az, I felt so alone many nights when Scott was working. Bedtime is definitely the worst part of the day for me too. If Scott isn't there to help me, I fall apart. Scriptures and prayer are great things to help stay calm and strong. Don't give up. Love ya! And let's get together and do lunch one of these days.
These are definitely the times that God is working to make you a stronger person. I feel that way almost constantly and it is really hard to not feel bitter towards my husband even though I'm sure if he could, would rather be home than at work/school/studying all hours of the day and night. Try reading your scriptures when you first wake in the morning and then before bed add another little spiritual thought, like reading from the Ensign. I don't always feel completely better but I do feel more calm about my situation. Also, don't worry if the house is a mess or the beds get made. Focus on those little ones. Find joy with them. Know you are not alone in this. I too struggle with this everyday. We can do it!
Oh my goodness! I totally understand! Shane has been gone for most of the last several months. It is soooo hard to do it all alone! He leaves on New Years day for three months straight. I don't know how I am going to cope. If you need anything call me! We can hang out and give each other a break! =D
Yep. It's hard not to be frustrated. Mike works very long hours all year long. I really feel bad for the kids. If only he went let me vent through shopping it would all be better :)
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